Chizzyfoshizzy

My Drew!!

DREWLICIOUS

One hell of a birthday present from my buddy Russ ; )

This one goes out to Timmy...

A man was walking down the street when he was approached by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!" "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded.
"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting." The man replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex."

To all my dearest friends,
I need some help.
My cousin's cat had kittens and he was able to give away all but 3 of them. I told him I would help him find homes for the last 3. I can't take one because my son is allergic but if three of you could take just one it would be such a help and the kittens could have a nice home. Since he lives up by the Lake Robinson Nuclear Power Plant, I'll go pick them up for you.
I've attached pictures of the last 3 kittens.

He dresses himself!

and last but cutest!

Don't Cheat on People!

MASTERCARD WEDDING

You gotta love this guy... This is a true story about
a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University.
It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests...

After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up
on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he
wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances,
to support them at their wedding.

He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family,
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish
reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he
wanted to give everyone a special gift
just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's
chair, including the gift to everyone,
and asked them to open their envelope.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his
Bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of
them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.

After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a
couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, F--- you!

Then he turned to his bride and said, F--- you!.

Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm
outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after
finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as
if nothing were wrong.

His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300
guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing
the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and
family members.

This guy has nuts the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of
this?

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and
friends.........$32,000.

Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion.....$3,000.

Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui....$8,500.

The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride
humping the best man..........Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's
MASTERCARD

Little joke for ya

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night with her for $500. He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;
1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home. However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady. Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

What the future may hold...

Nano-machines. Anyone whom has read "Prey" by Michael Chrichton knows what nano-machines are, but do people really understand what they can do for all of mankind if that science is nurtured properly? There are two different schools of nano-machines. The first is biological, which is when you take a few different small organisms like viruses or bacterium and change them to do a specific task. The other is mechanical nanomachines, where they are made from man-made materials and have small computer chips that are programmed for specific tasks. Just think about taking medicine and it goes right to the part of your body that needs it! Or just shooting up some "machines" and they start patroling your body in search of cancer cells, ready to destroy! Some companies are focusing on using nano machines to integrate with our bodies to help us do things like lift very heavy objects or see at night and all kind of crap, so if you are lost in what field you want to go into, this will be the wave of the future!check it out!

The Ford Super Chief was pretty tight.

The new "Eleanor" Ford Mustang Shelby Cobra GT 500!!! Bad Ass!!!

Check out the paned glass sunroof on that baby (the Super Chief)

OOOHHH look at the big stars, Juwan Howard and Dikembe Motumbo! Erica got to have a loooooooong conversation with Dikembe, it went, "exscuse me." Kewl huh?!